Quote of the Week

'President Karzai is watching and has phoned several times to get the latest news. Even the Taliban have sent a message of support.' - Afghanistan finance minister Omar Zakhilwal reports as the country prepare to face Pakistan.

As celeb fans go, the Taliban are in a league of their own.

What a gesture of international goodwill it would be for Mullah Omar to make a charity knockabout appearance alongside Gary Lineker and Barry Gibb.

Techno Techno Techno Techno Techno Phobe

'We don't really want to create a controversy,' insisted MS Dhoni after learning that in the tie with Sri Lanka in Adelaide, the 30th over of his side's chase only lasted five balls.

Inevitably the Indian captain could not resist the chance to create controversy, adding within seconds: 'If this can happen then I don't know why people back DRS so much.'

Other things that MS Dhoni blames on DRS: ongoing Greek intransigence to Eurozone bailout terms, that itchiness between his toes, his failure to be even more richer and successful than he actually he is.

Bangladeshi Premier League Latest

When you hire Muttiah Muralitharan to play in your T20 league you don't just get an off-spinner, you get marketing that money cannot buy:

'I didn't think I would play in this tournament, so I didn't train much.'

The Big Man Speaks

Matthew Hayden is making himself as popular in retirement as he was as a player, telling Fox Sports in Australia:

'Cricketers, when it all boils down to it, are nothing different to an entertainment package like someone from the music industry. The fans, all six of them that go watch the Sheffield Shield, actually aren't interested in that as an entertainment property.'

As a devout Christian, Hayden famously said, 'When I'm in trouble, I ask myself "What would Christ do?"'

And the answer invariably seems to be: 'Vomit out marketing guff.'

It is not known whether Christ is planning on adapting The Hayden Way to arrest falling church attendance worldwide.

What's Going On, Mr Petersen?

Shock and horror at Glamorgan, where captain Alviro Petersen has walked out on the club to return to the South Africa fold just months after agreeing a long-term contract in Cardiff.

Coach Matthew Mott lamented: 'We feel let down because we had a signed agreement in place, which in my world is binding.'

It would be easier to feel sorry for the Welsh club, however, if Mott and Petersen had not themselves been appointed following internecine strife which saw the previous captain, director of cricket and chairman all forced out just a year ago.

He Writes His Own Headlines

'I have too much hunger.......for cricket.' - In a press conference ahead of facing Pakistan, England's Samit Patel does the work for the corpulent hacks that follow him around snickering about his weight and work ethic.

Kenya Believe It?

If the SL-IND was an absolute cracker there was also no question either about the Associate match of the week:

Ireland beat Kenya by 10 runs as 40 wickets fell in under two days in Mombasa, slow bowlers George Dockrell and Albert van der Merwe claiming all 20 victims for the visitors.

At one stage in their second innings Kenya were 36/8 before the tail dug in to deliver a thriller.

Rumours that Ian Bell will be drafted in to coach the Kenyans to bat against spin are unconfirmed at this time.

Speaking Of Batsmen Who May Not Be Up To It

Australia vice captain Shane Watson has made no bones about his intention to open the batting for the Test side when he returns from injury, despite the form of Ed Cowan and David Warner:

'I'd love to be able to open - that's where I've had the most enjoyment as a batsman.'

Number of players who have opened in more than 20 Tests over the last 10 years: 28

Number of those who have scored fewer Test tons than Watson: Three (quiz fans will find names at the bottom of the page)

You might be enjoying yourself, Shane - but is it for the good of the team?

Nickname News

One-time England hopeful Tim Murtagh got his Irish passport this week and was promptly put on stand-by for Phil Simmons' squad.

The seamer's nickname at club level?

Dial M For.

Headline of the Week

'Akmal still Pakistan's biggest worry'

It's the all-purpose header for ESPN Cricinfo after the wicketkeeper's decisive drop of Alastair Cook on 28 in the second ODI at Abu Dhabi.

It was Umar, in case you were wondering.

Press Release of the Week

Mumbai Indians bid farewell to Andrew Symonds, who has retired to focus on the upcoming birth of his first child:

'He was a great team player and the youngsters always looked up to him for guidance.'

His leaving party will be a sight to behold, then.

Non-Cricket Intro of the Week

'To be described as a minister caught watching porn on the floor of the assembly is something no politician wants.' - Times of India

Quite so.

Trivia Round-up

Opening batsmen of the last decade who have played 20 Tests and scored fewer tons than Shane Watson?

Daren Ganga, Javed Omar, Devon Smith scored one apiece; Watson, Mark Richardson and Tharanga Paranavitana each have two.

* Seen something that belongs on this page? Want to blame your disappointing Valentine's Day card haul on DRS? Planning a move into Indian politics since, as you're watching porn anyway, you may as well get paid for it? Spotted Mullah Omar at a Clydesdale Bank tie last year? Email us at c365media@gmail.com